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Living Out Of A Suitcase
Old, old stuff
The Big One? Probably not…
Jun 15th, 2008
Well, quite a jolt yesterday morning, to the tune of 7.2M on the Richter Scale, or 6 out of 7 on the Japanese ‘Shindo‘ scale. All in all we had 18 earthquakes yesterday that were at least 4.5M, six people have died, and 11 people are still missing.
BBC News Video (no sound)
Yahoo News Article
Personally, I was sitting at my dining room table when it started. After the shaking began to intensify I thought it would be best to get Kyoko out of the shower! We stood under a doorway as the fun really began, starting with some side to side, followed by the up and down shaking. That’s when I started to get worried. Side to side shaking is a characteristic of oceanic earthquakes, while up and down represent continental earthquakes. The land-based ones are the most dangerous, causing the most structural damage to buildings. It lasted for a solid minute, but I swear it felt like it was at least 65 seconds long :P
There wasn’t much damage to our apartment, other than some smashed glasses and some other things that fell over. Our gas sensor was beeping though, which was a concern. Cell phones weren’t working as they were probably overloaded with calls, so we used our neighbour’s landline to call the gas company. He came by and reset the alarm, no problems. Various earthquakes during the day made for lively discussion as everyone would stop and look around nervously until the shaking stopped.
We actually went hiking in the area where the epicenter was just last week, so that was kind of a sobering thought with all the landslides that happened in and around that area…
My beloved apple glasses, destroyed.
A Freudian slip, or something more sinister?
In a bit of black comedy, one of the victims died when, while fleeing a building, ran out onto the street and was smacked by a truck. The truck received minor damages, and the building was fine.
A friend of mine told me that this area has been expecting a large earthquake to hit, but apparently this one wasn’t it. All being said I’ll take this one, thanks!
Choose life? Japan says, "No thanks!"
Jun 6th, 2008
Japan follows trends like a hypoglycemic kid with ADHD eating a Mars bar. New products roll in, become all the rage, and are gone within a blink of an eye. Every time I go to a convenience store there’s a new (and often strange) flavour of Pringles. Snacks, beers, and cigarettes are introduced or discontinued on a monthly basis.
Japan is also known as a very polite culture. I won’t get into this enormous misconception today, but let’s just say that the business/client relationship is generally polite. In public, people generally like to keep to themselves.
The Japanese also like to kill themselves. Their culture has a long history of suicide, and why that may or may not be a contributing factor in modern times, the fact remains that when the going gets tough, the tough get going — forever. Historically, the popular ways to off oneself included jumping in front of a train or hanging. However, if you decide to make the leap onto the tracks, keep in mind that your family will be charged something in the neighbourhood of $10,000 for inconveniencing the other commuters.
The latest craze in taking the easy way out is to mix ‘agricultural products’ with cleaning supplies, producing a toxic gas. People are doing this on their own, and with people met on internet ’suicide sites’. They’re doing it at home and in their cars. The problem is that these gases are pretty dangerous for those of us who want to remain alive, and there have been numerous reports of entire apartment buildings being evacuated due to the fumes.
A closer look at the numbers:
Government data showed at least 84 such suicides throughout Japan in May. Police have begun cracking down on popular Web sites that give specific instructions for mixing the chemicals and encourage suicides.A total of 32,155 people killed themselves in 2006 in Japan, giving the country the ninth-highest suicide rate in the world, according to the government.
I’m just waiting for the day when the next suicide trend shifts to “Death by Wanko Soba“.
Life in Japan #1: The Washlet
May 26th, 2008
Here’s the first entry in a (hopefully) new blog series I’m going to write; it’s all about daily life in Japan, and the hundreds thousands millions of differences compared to Canada.
The Plastic & Porcelain God.
Back to the centerpiece of my apartment though, the Washlet. I love our Washlet. I’m sitting on it right now. Let’s go over the functions:
I guess I’m doing my part for the environment too, since I’m using less toilet paper. It’s gotten to the point where using regular toilets is a strange and uncomfortable experience. I try to time my schedule around my Washlet. I apologize to my Washlet if I’ve used other toilets. However, there is some competition. On the first floor of the company I teach at, there’s something I can only describe as a showcase washroom, probably for when their overseas partners visit. In this washroom, my friends, is the Cadillac of Washlets. It has all the features that I listed above, a fan to dry your behind, plus a 4-way directional joystick to adjust the direction of the spray! Valhalla in a toilet, I say… …if we need that extra push over the cliff…Eleven.
The punishment should fit the crime
Apr 15th, 2008
Lately I’d been toying with the idea of listing things that are, in my opinion, either better in Japan or Canada. Reading the following news report kinda clinched it for me. What shocks me the most about this story isn’t the actual crime, rather the frequency that atrocities like this happen here in Japan. Some people I meet and see on the street… I know for a fact that if you left them in a forest for just 1 night they’d find some way to die or kill themselves. Japan has become too convenient; as a result basic survival skills are being bred out of them. Living in a sheltered, controlled, formulaic life will not give you the wherewithal to deal with life when the shit goes down.
One of the problems is that there’s no social feedback mechanism to educate the masses, unless you count conformity as a feedback mechanism. Salarymen jumping in front of trains, schoolkids hanging themselves… grow a pair and fight, this isn’t a game, this is LIFE. Then again, maybe it’s just modern Darwinism. Thanks for reading this sweeping generalization.
KAGOSHIMA — A 1-year-old boy died after he was left in a car by his mother, while she was playing pachinko in Kajiki, Kagoshima Prefecture, on Monday afternoon. Police said the boy was found by his mother, 35, foaming at the mouth and barely conscious in the car around 5 p.m. She called an ambulance and he was taken to hospital where he died later of heatstroke, police said.
According to police, the mother brought her son to the pachinko parlor which offers a free child-care service. But the children’s room was already full, so the woman left her son in the car while she was playing pachinko from 2 to 5 p.m.
A local meteorological observatory said the temperature only reached 23.3 Celsius on Monday. Police are continuing their investigation.
Comedian Quotes
Jun 1st, 2007
“Ladies, if men could suck their own dicks you’d be here on your own tonight. Staring at an empty stage.” – Bill Hicks
“The balls are the posse of the penis. While the penis is inside you, making you happy, the balls are outside working security. It’s a velvet rope situation. No one can get in now. Finger, not tonight. There’s another club around the block, it’s a little dirty, but I think you can squeeze in.” – Dave Attell
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” – Mel Brooks
“If God had intended us not to masturbate he would’ve made our arms shorter.” – George Carlin
“I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold or cruel, but I am. So that’s how it comes out.” – Bill Hicks
“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?” – George Carlin
Where to find women
Mar 20th, 2007
Bars / Clubs
If women are like steaks, then the big greasy chunks of gristle that are left over after you finish a meal are what you’ll find in bars. Fortunately, there is a way to separate out the high-quality women from the low in bars and clubs. When you stand near a woman, listen for a faint whistling noise coming from between her legs, as if wind were passing through a large, hollow cavern. If you hear this sound, your prospective woman may have a condition commonly known as “whore.” Be wary of these women, as clubs tend to harbour many of them.
Every man, woman, and child needs to buy Maddox’s “The Alphabet of Manliness.”
Mmmarlboros…
Mar 11th, 2007
This is just a test post from my cell phone!
They just came out with a new 14mg Marly, even more potent than the dreaded red pack! That brings the total up to 9 or 10 diff’rent varieties of Marlboros which can be found here in Japan. Gimme the 4mg ultra lights please, I want to at least make it to 40!
Happy Birthday Shannon!
Jan 5th, 2007
For some reason I’ve always been able to remember your birthday… Damn you getting old there, big daddy! And you look different, somehow…
Happy New Year
Jan 3rd, 2007
Hope everyone had a not too dangerous holiday season. I’m just finishing up my 10 day winter break, most of which was spent damaging my liver followed by sleep. A lot has happened since I arrived here over 10 weeks ago, and I’ll try to keep chronicalling them before they fade into the recesses of my mind.
Christmas was fun, I helped cook a turkey that we got from Osaka. We had about 24 people crammed into a tiny apartment. For some reason I didn’t take any photos that night, oh wells.
New Year’s Eve was spent in a lodge at Tazawako, a ski hill about 90 minutes east of Akita City. I think there was about 15 of us in total. Lester and I were the only gaijin there, which made it even better I think. It’s nice to be able to separate work from play sometimes. I quickly tossed up some pics of NYE on Flickr, so check it out down the right hand side. I’ll upload the rest of the holiday pics soon.
I’m still waiting for Internet to be connected at my apartment, so I’m just stealing a little time at a convention center nearby, at the train station.
Did a little Skype session the other night for the first time. Their rates are the cheapest by far; it’s around $2/hr to call via Skype. In contrast, a calling card is about $25/hr, and my cellphone would be about $60/hr! Once I get online at my place I’ll try to call up everyone. I may be missing some people’s phone numbers though, so if you want just email them to me.
I guess that’s it for now, start saving for your summer vacation kids!
Finally
Dec 8th, 2006
Well I must be really really bored tonight, so, in a flash of motivation, I will begin my story.
Arrived at YVR in the late morning, my flight was scheduled for 1pm or something. Checked in, waited forever in line to get through security, then bummed around for an hour or so. Some good deals were to be had at the duty free stores, but my hands were pretty full with my carry on luggage so I refrained from buying smokes and booze. More on that later.
So I board the plane, and await to see the crapshoot that is who I will be sitting beside for the next ten hours. Jackpot. Turns out that I get to spend my long flight with a British fashion model, travelling to Tokyo for a few weeks for work. Think the Seinfeld in first class episode, except her hair wasn’t as big, and my jeans weren’t as tight. She was married though, but we had some nice chats, some drinks, and we even had dinner AND breakfast together :P Granted that every other seat was full and she couldn’t leave my side even if she wanted to, but the facts speak for themselves.
Landing in Narita, I got the pat down going through customs. No finger up the ass; maybe next time. Getting out into the terminal, I quickly get lost. Eventually, I make my way over to where I am supposed to be, and exchange pleasantries with the other newbies. All in all there are about 20 of us from all over North America.
During the next couple hours, various people make their way on buses and trains to wherever they are supposed to go. The last of us, about 6 strong, finally make our way to the train that goes from Narita airport to the main Tokyo train station. It takes about an hour. I sit beside a guy from Michigan and chat about baseball and hockey (Go Wings!). He’s here with his girlfriend, which is like going to Lumiere and ordering a green salad with no dressing. During our commute into the city, our guide informs us that in order to catch the last bullet train going north, Michigan, his green salad, and I basically have to get up 3 levels in the station in a dead sprint. In Tokyo’s main train station.
The doors open and we hit the ground running. Things are going pretty good; I’m just carrying my laptop bag and my rollup (suit) bag – no problems there. Michigan and his salad are starting to lag behind though, they’ve got backpacks and those smallish suitcases with wheels, which aren’t reacting so well to all the bumps, stairs, and escalators we have to dash up to reach the train.
We get two floors up, and things are looking good, when all of a sudden CRASH!!! Michigan goes flying into/through some poor kid, and green salad’s suitcase ejects like a jack-in-the-box, and all her shit flies in a million directions. From what I could gather, she robbed a dollar store right before she packed because there’s like 500 little trinkets and shit rolling in every direction. Michigan and green salad hit the floor, viciously clawing to try to corral all this crap. Our guide hits the floor, and even the guy that got creamed starts helping them, while I just kind of stand back and drink in the absurdity of the situation. Then, in the funniest moment of the night, our guide, on his hands and knees in his suit, looks up, turns to me, and yells,
“JUST GO, GET TO THE SHINK!!!“
I make my way through the turnstile, and head up the next flight of stairs. I get to the platform, and what do I see? Two Trains! Which one to take? I basically say fuck it, jump in the left train, and try to find my seat, if it even exists. About 15 seconds after I board the train, the doors close and we begin heading… somewhere. I eventually find my seat a few cars up, ask the salaryman beside me if I am in fact on the right train, to which he replies in the affirmative. I woulda yelled BOOYAKASHA, but I was just too damn tired. And what of Michigan and his green salad? They were supposed to take the same train as I… Sorry man but I just met y’all, see you on the other side haha!
Part 2 of Day 1 to come later…
Eh
Nov 24th, 2006
A short post tonight my friends. As you all know, I love sports, and ESPN is still the best sports website on earth. Every now and then they put out a nice feature article like the one below.
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=doncherry
Japan is fun; I still have to actually say something about it :P